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My belated Fathers Day post

June 25, 2008

I notice a trend among bloggers when it comes to Mother’s and Father’s Day. On Mother’s day, there’d be tons of dedications and well wishes pinned up on aggregators like PPS. Come Father’s day, its so quiet you could hear a cricket in the background. Can I draw the conclusion that bloggers love their fathers less than their mothers?

I too am guilty of not putting up a Father’s day post even though I don’t love my dad any less than I love my mom. On that day I was with both of them and away from the computer. The same thing happened on Mother’s day. Yeah, a lame excuse as I could’ve posted something the next day and I didn’t.

I do think that fathers generally suffer a bad rap and going by what I see, some of it is well deserved. But there are good apples and bad apples on both sides. Its just that somehow, dads seem to get more heat than moms when both are just as bad.

I have a friend in his early 30’s whom I think is a model dad. His wife barely speaks to him and is apparently waiting for the right time to divorce. She is actively looking for a new husband, sometimes not coming home at night. Its one of those marriages that seem so right at the begining and turn out so wrong in the end. What is sad is how she treats their two daughters 6 and 8. A decently paid executive, she has apparently abandoned her family emotionally and financially and will not lift a finger to do anything for them despite living under the same roof. Even when the kids cry of hunger, she would rather tell them to wait for daddy than take them out to eat, admitting she doesn’t want to spend a single cent more on the family.

So my friend (who’s out of a job) practically mothers the children. Faced with no choice, he’s selling everything he can to have enough to feed the children, the last item being his prized imported stereo speakers. In between his profane swearing about how his wife had abandoned them, I saw someone who would do anything for his daughters. Not out of a sense of being forced but out of love. I mean, how many dads would sit outside their children’s dance class for 2 hours waiting to pick them up, bring them to the night market to amuse themselves, wash their clothes, cook their breakfast, wait with them by the street for the school bus, bring them to the temple on weekends and teach them to recite the Kuan Yin Ta Pei Cho. That’s been his routine for the last year and a half.

My friend’s daughters may not grow up remembering any of this but I feel vindicated that such fathers exist, even though no one feels they are important enough to devote a father’s day blog post to.

This post is dedicated to that friend of mine. Dude, you know who you are.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. June 25, 2008 10:38 am

    I swear your story reminds me of a movie I recently watched, called Then She Found Me. It’s actually a movie about a woman (Helen Hunt) yearning to have a child. The man (Colin Firth) whom she met sounds very much like your friends predicament. His wife left him, he’s taking care of 2 kids. He stays in his car all day writing (he’s an author) while his children are at school. Very similar.

    I believe a father, given the opportunity, can do a good job as raising his kids as a single father (I know someone who’s one) as a mother can.

  2. June 25, 2008 12:51 pm

    One can only knows how great his parents are when he has kids. My salute to your friend who is such a great dad.

    I love my dad too. Something to share –

  3. LC Teh permalink
    June 25, 2008 1:23 pm

    Sadly, I can only reconcile with mine long after flying the coop and having kids of my own.

  4. Damien permalink*
    June 26, 2008 7:43 am

    @dee, life imitating art. šŸ™‚ My friend hasn’t found a woman yet. In his state of mind now, I dunno if its a blessing or a curse.

    @mun, I read the link you gave. Clearly men are as capable of compassion as women are. Maybe men are not comfortable to talk about compassion, that’s why the mind doesn’t associate the two very well.

    @LC, clearly you love your dad a lot. I guess the cane in hand is emblemic of a father’s love, something people associate with pain than a mother’s hug even though both are different expressions of the same thing. But as with all things, you never know what you have until you lose it.

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