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Love and other disasters Part 2

March 25, 2009

Part 1 is here if you haven’t read it. Its meant for those who prefer to keep life “positive.” Part 2 deals with the darker side of the topic that’s no less real.

As I said in Part 1, if you are a talkative dude or dudette, you’ll naturally gravitate towards a companion who’s a listener, or someone who you think can be persuaded to become a listener. Similarly, if you can’t speak to save your life, you’ll find comfort in a friend who can speak his or her mind, hence my theory that people are wired to do a balancing act.

Maybe that’s what the yin-yang theory is trying to tell us. Opposites attract. We instinctively pal up with someone who will make us feel whole. Nothing bad about that in my opinion.

But everything has a bright and dark side and if you grew up in abusive conditions, the dark side could overwhelm. If the Rihanna-Chris Brown affair is an indication, growing up with parental violence can lead people to develop nasty habits, like beating the crap out of one’s girlfriend. Read up on spouse beaters and you might just see a pattern.

I won’t comment on Chris Brown but if you’ve ever been pissed at someone for being sadistic, at work or wherever, you could be staring at exactly that – a person who’s instinctively trying to achieve his own vision of balance, something that may require a victim to fulfill.

The victim too has a radar. If one grew up being told, “I beat you because I love you,” then as an adult he/she may find himself gravitating towards an oppressive employer or spouse to nip that empty feeling. Like moths in a kamikaze dive into a burning candle, they just can’t help themselves.

Its something to chew on if your life story seems littered with abusive bosses or bfs/gfs, what some call Tom and Jerry relationships. Some call it karma. The point is, it may be no accident that you’re in the position that you’re in.

I hope none of you are stuck in that kind of relationship but if you are, I’m told such attributes are de-programmable.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. March 26, 2009 9:38 am

    Yes, I agree about it being de-programmable. Even some Buddhist doctrines tell of our ability to influence (some changes to) our destiny.

    Good that you know karma doesn’t mean a preordained, unchangeable fate that many people misunderstand it to be. 🙂

  2. March 26, 2009 10:24 am

    Things can be changed…just find another person to ‘settle’ the bully in your life. Maybe it’s not that you want him to be removed…just some other people cannot tolerate it. 😀

    The thing is, not everyone can or wants to let go of the bully…. Its like trying to tear away from a black hole. They just can’t.

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