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Bad boys get attracted to good girls. Bad girls get attracted to good boys.

May 31, 2009

Okay I’m an ignoramus when it comes to this topic that everyone takes for granted. Yeah yeah, everyone tells me not to think too much about it but hey its just too fascinating to let by without poking it with a stick to see how it works.

So the story often goes like this. Good girl finds bad boy. Good girl tries to change bad boy to good boy. Sparks fly and the story has one of 4 endings.

1. Bad boy turns good and they live happily ever after.
2. Good girl turns bad and they live happily ever after.
3. Neither one changes. They argue every day.
4. Neither one changes. They break up.

From all this, a singular purpose comes to mind – change management (if that rings a bell, you’re probably a boring professional or a consultant πŸ™‚ ). Of course it doesn’t look like it on the outset because when its new, everyone’s senses are so overtaken they forget to brush their teeth in the morning. But after a while, the signs get more predictable and unmistaken.

So what do people really look for when they look to get hitched? “Oh,” you might say, “of course its love and companionship, silly.” But you know what? I have a feeling that’s only fuel for the starting lap. I think that subconsciously, there’s a bigger challenge we humans are attracted to – that of turning people over (no this is not necessarily a bad thing.) We need to feel good that we’ve made a difference.

I mean, doesn’t anyone find it strange that bad boys get attracted to good girls and vice versa? So what’s all this about compatibility that everyone is talking about?

That’s why when someone comes and tells me, “I told my boyfriend to quit smoking but he won’t listen,” a voice in me goes, “Ah, but you don’t really want him to stop do you? Because if he quits and becomes a good boy, he’ll undermine the very reason you wanted to be with him in the first place.”

Know why I say that? Because once the problem is fixed, I start hearing things like, “Adam/Cindy is getting boring. Gawd, I can’t stand it!”


Have you heard of couples who can’t seem to stop arguing right up to old age? Yeah its a bitch to listen to but crazy as it might sound, could all that hammering actually be keeping their relationship alive? Think about it. If you didn’t have to struggle with the fish, what’s the point of fishing? Why not just go to the supermarket where they’re all neatly cut and packed?

So, its the purpose, people. Its not the fish. Its the catching that makes us feel alive, useful, whatever.

I brought up this phenomenon before. A woman marries a man hoping he would change. A man marries a woman hoping she will never change. Its one of those WTF moments in life that not many people realize.

So, which is the bigger miracle – the baby or the marriage? πŸ™‚

11 Comments leave one →
  1. May 31, 2009 11:56 am

    I’m not sure about why opposites attract in humans. But I do understand some girls go for someone who remind them of daddy. And some guys get attracted to girls who ‘mother’ over them…

    And which is the bigger miracle? These days, it’s marriage. The baby happens with or without it…

    I used to believe in the complementary theory (we get attracted to people with qualities we wish we had) but now I don’t know if its that simple. I’m starting to wonder if there’s an element of conquest involved somewhere.

  2. May 31, 2009 4:34 pm

    People always want things to go THEIR way. Guys do want the girls to change – but not the look πŸ˜‰

    And girls most definitely will find flaws in their guys and want them to change.

    Hahaha, actually a lot of my friends told me to go for some girls but I told them “not suitable”. Their same opinion – people can change, maybe she will change after that?

    I answered “why do I want people to change for me? If i want to be with them then I need to accept them for who they are and not what I want them to become”

    Simple as that.

    Any example of what a guy might want his girlfriend to change? Cause I could think of lots of things that he doesn’t want her to change, hehe. πŸ™‚

  3. May 31, 2009 5:32 pm

    hmm…by the time bad boy turns into good boy ..

    i am sure both of them already grew as a couple ..
    as long as they get this basics covered .
    1.unconditional love
    2.because he/she is imperfect , that is why he/she is beautiful know how to give in , and say “yes dear”

    they should be fine .

    breaking up because your other half is “boring” is like high school couples ..i want that new homecoming queen etc etc

    Ooo… that #1 can take a lifetime to get, considering how girls still complain about guys not leaving the toilet seat down, hehe. And that thing about being bored, yeah I guess you get plenty of that when your friends are mostly in their 20’s like mine are. πŸ™‚

  4. May 31, 2009 5:48 pm

    It’s not really about the bad or good, but rather what you really want from it all. Some people are constantly attracted to the need to fix things. Some people want peace and contentment in life. Whatever you looked for when you started the relationship, that will be the yardstick for a future together.

    But if there is one thing I know from all the years of being in a relationship is that change is inevitable. It’s just that, both sides need to change at the same pace that complements each other. You need to keep the reasons (which are more introvert in nature than being bad or good) why you were together in the first place. If not, then the relationship is ultimately doomed since they drift apart.

    I think the reason why its so hard to find “happy-ever-after” couples late in life is precisely because people do change at different rates and they do drift apart. Having two people change at the same pace and direction thru life could be a statistical impossibility. Wouldn’t it be easier to just accept that people will grow differently and that its okay to build a relationship on similarities rather than differences.

  5. May 31, 2009 6:15 pm

    well…OPPOSITES attract right?

    When I’m poor, why is it that I never attract the rich….

  6. May 31, 2009 7:07 pm

    The laws of opposite attracts stands true here.

    Yin and yang?

  7. May 31, 2009 8:41 pm

    not all the time ..

    the laws of opposite attracts stands true ..

    jessica alba should be attracted to me . cause she’s a celeb and i’m not

    Haha, touche! But I do know a couple of decent girls with jerks as bfs….

  8. May 31, 2009 9:53 pm

    i’ve been a bad bad boy

    Then you’ll have hordes of good girls running after you. πŸ˜€

  9. June 1, 2009 1:07 am

    well , we can still be “bad boys” and nice guys , and get the good girls …

    simple , just take what is attractive and the qualities of a “bad boy” and apply it to ourselves ..

    3.a little bit of arrogance but not the insecure arrogance
    4.confidence , dress like a badboy/rockstar ? alcohol , cigarettes, tattoos , piericings is all good
    5.the “i dun care what people think of me” attitude

    but then again , Damien will start saying ..” do not be someone you’re not ” :p

    In front of girls, I think most guys behave as people they’re not so that’s normal. Its just how long it’ll be before the cover slides off and the girl goes “OMG!!!” πŸ˜€

  10. June 1, 2009 9:13 am

    It’s not a statistical impossibility. It goes back to the matter of trust and communication. You do need similarities as much as differences. Those similarities are the reasons, anything else can be a complementary opposite.

    My girlfriend and I are polar opposites of each other. It doesn’t drive us crazy. After so long. we’ve come to rely on each other’s abilities as complements for what we lack. At the same time, the core reason why we’re together is that we share a single reason to be together. No one else we know appreciates our twisted, morbid sense of humour like we do. After that it just grows from there.

    The thing about similarities is this, you’re more likely to notice any changes to them because they are now different than you. That can ruin the relationship. But to have more opposites than similarities, you tend to drift with them as they change the longer you are together.

    Sure, people are more sensitive to changes in things they’re familiar with than not. One of the best things I’ve done for myself is to train myself not to be too fearful of change – including gain and loss. I can’t control a mate’s destiny but what I can do is try and create conditions where mutual interest can be sustained while accepting there are no guarantees. My attitude is we came alone, we’ll go alone, and anyone we meet halfway is a blessing.

  11. June 1, 2009 10:56 am

    Wow… Look at this interesting subject. πŸ˜€

    I remember a girl I used to know. She wore a black T-shirt that said, “Good guys wear black. Good girls, wear nothing”… I was after her for a while. But she was looking for something much higher above me. Nope, I concluded, it’s not good guys or bad guys that’s the question. It’s the 4Cs or 5Cs (or now it’s 6?) that’s most important. Fact of life…

    “But she was looking for something much higher above me.” Lemme guess, she went for a pilot? Haha πŸ˜€

    Last I heard it was 5 Cs but I may be outdated.

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